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Old 02-28-2009   #11
Rami_s
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A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen
in love and that he is going to get married. He says, Just for fun, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and
you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.' The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the
house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for
a while.
He then says:
' Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry.'
She immediately replies:
' The one on the right.'

''That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?'


The mother replies,
' I didn't like her!!.'




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Old 03-01-2009   #12
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Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush.'

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Old 03-09-2009   #13
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One of the funniest jokes ever

What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant fart?
One is a bar room and the other is a BAROOOOOOOM!


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Old 03-10-2009   #14
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A kid once wrote to Santa " Send me a brother"

The following day Santa wrote back " Send me Your Mother"


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Old 03-22-2009   #15
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A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple !

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Old 03-23-2009   #16
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How do you determine the nationalities of visitors to an Auto Show?


The German examines the engine
The British examines the leather
The Greek examines the muffler
The Italian examines the horn
The American examines the size
The Swiss examines the trunk
The Chinese examines everything
The Pollack examines nothing
The Lebanese examines the saleswoman

-miss o.
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Old 04-08-2009   #17
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Toni grew up in Beirut, then moved away to attend college and law in
Oxford University. He decided to come back to Beirut, because he could
not be a big man in Oxford. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he
returned and opened his new law office!
The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a
big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to
the door Mr. Toni picked up the phone! He motioned the man in, all while
talking

"No! Absolutely no? You tell those clowns in New York that I won't
settle this case for less than one million! Yes? The Appeals Court has
agreed to hear that case next week! I'll be handling the primary
argument and the other members of my team will provide support Okay?
Tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss
The details."

This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes All the while the
man sat patiently as Toni rattled instructions. Finally, Toni put down
the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you
can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man replied,

"I'm from OGERO, I've come to connect your phone line"
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Old 04-08-2009   #18
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Ideas about wives
  • My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
    Henry Youngman
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
    Milton Berle
  • I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied," In the lake."
    Henny Youngman
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
    Henny Youngman
  • After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
  • Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
  • A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
  • Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
  • It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
  • Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Old 04-11-2009   #19
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Default Taking a Woman to Bed‏



What is the difference between girls/woman aged:

8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?





At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.





At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.




At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.




At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.



At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.





At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.







At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!







At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???
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Old 04-17-2009   #20
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A man and a woman went into divorce, but they still got ht porblem of whom is gonna take the child...
they went to court to decide, the woman started talking that she should have the kid, and that she could provide him love and passion...
then the man stood up and told the judge:" if you're buying a pepsi can from a pepsi machine, you insert a 1000L.L. bill into the machine, then it gives one pepsi can, who takes that can, you or the machine??"
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