English Jokes #2

[Adam]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had done before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist
it is his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!


The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his
head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious.?"

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."

[Adam]

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the sixth one, a man watching from the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little Johnny replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little Johnny answered, 'No, he minded his own f*ckin' business!'

[Neoxter]

Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

A: "See you next month!"

[Adam]

Originally Posted by Neoxter

Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

A: "See you next month!"

It took me a couple of seconds to get it but

[Tawa]

After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a really long time, he started to get a little lonely. So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"

God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything. She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"

Adam said, "That sounds great! How soon can you send her?"

God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."

Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"

[3arabi]

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her night stand by the bed.
He begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."

[Tawa]

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.


10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.


10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.


10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.


10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

[hegma]

no frensh jokes i wrote it here
L'eveque fait passer un examen aux futurs communiants.
_ Qu'a dit le Seigneur en instituant le sacrement du bapteme ? demande-t-il a un premier enfant.
_ Il a dit :" Je te baptise au nom du Pere, du Fils et du Saint Esprit. "
_ Tres bien. et toi, demande-t-il a un second enfant, qu'a-t-il dit pour L'Eucharistie ?
_ Il a dit :" Prenez et mangez, car ceci est mon corps."
_ Parfait. Et toi, demande-t-il a la petite Jessica, qu'a dit le Seigneur en instituant le sacrement du mariage ?
_ Euh... C'est quand il a dit : " Pardonnez-leur mon Pere, car ils ne savent pas ce qu'ils font."

[Neoxter]

How do you make an Indian guy stop talking?
Just hold his head

[xcoder]

Worried mom gives her daughter a pack of condoms before a hot date. Girl laughs and hugs her mother - " times have changed Mum! I'm dating angela". Give me carrots!