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Old 01-15-2007   #61
el-jabal
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

hehe good one superoufa .... mni7a man


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Old 01-15-2007   #62
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

You cant fool no Leb mama
Madame Khoury comes to have dinner at her son Zouzou, who lives with a girl roomate, Salma ... During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty the roommate was, and started to wonder if there was more between Zouzou and his roommate.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Zouzou volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Salma and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Salma came to Zouzou saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Zouzou Several days later, zouzou received an email from his mother which read:


Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Salma, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mom

Which leads to prouve: YOU SIMPLY CANNOT FOOL A LEBANESE MOM
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Old 01-16-2007   #63
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

hey man the joke is very nice i liked it if u have more put them man.
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Old 01-16-2007   #64
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians:

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
On second day, the knee was better and on the third day, it had completely disappeared.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

Discharge status: Alive, but without permission.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

The patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

Thank You ...
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Old 01-16-2007   #65
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

haydol ahdam bi ktir min elli abel :

*Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that ... uh ... that uh..... thingie

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

There go the lights again...

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys.. and this guy's got two of'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, shcmedle. The floor's clean, right?

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

heheheheheh Surgeons are stupid kidding

Thank You ...
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Old 01-17-2007   #66
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

I go this joke on my email so I I thought this as sort of funny and wanted to share it Read heheheh

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from
Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,


A troubled User.

__________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM.
.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application
"Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance
. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program
Nag Nag9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software called Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!!
DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system
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Old 01-17-2007   #67
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghnadine
I go this joke on my email so I I thought this as sort of funny and wanted to share it Read heheheh

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from
Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,


A troubled User.

__________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM.
.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application
"Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance
. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program
Nag Nag9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software called Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!!
DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system
Lol, bass it improved, last time I heard it, wife 1.0 used to be struck by a virus called MotherInLaw 2.5 once a week and the Virus made the program irresponsive to any command!!! and it made it behave strangly.
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Old 01-17-2007   #68
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

Quote:
Originally Posted by abousoun

There go the lights again...
In Lebanon haydeh lézim ma ykhaf l wa7ad!!

Anyways your jokes reminded me of a film where the guy have a bad testicle so he goes into operation to remove it and the doctor holds the Xray bil éléb so he ends up removing the working one
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Old 01-17-2007   #69
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

Final Exam Question (True Story)

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...

Thus, hell is exothermic.

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

Thank You ... smart boy
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Old 01-17-2007   #70
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Default Re: Funny Jokes #3

A cabby picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

Thank You ...
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