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Re: English Funny Jokes
Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!" Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead. Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her. To which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or should I?" |
Re: English Funny Jokes
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy,and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replys. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"http://www.funnyhumor.com/viewcount....pe=joke&id=922
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Re: English Funny Jokes
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.' |
Re: Arabic Jokes
la A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee..... On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No" replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!" The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?" "No!" replied the Managing Director angrily. "Thank God!" replied the trainee and put the phone down..... |
Re: English Funny Jokes
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school." SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school." MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school." SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me." MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school." SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?" ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school |
Re: English Funny Jokes
Mommy's Balloons
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, 'Mom, what are those things on your chest?' Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, 'Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up bigger and she'll float to heaven.' Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, 'Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!' His father says, 'Calm down, son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?' 'Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, 'Oh God, I'm coming!' ' |
Re: English Funny Jokes
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, 'You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.' The astonished Chinese man replied, 'It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese'. 'Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,' replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, 'You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.' Shocked, Spielberg replies, 'It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.' The Chinese replies, 'Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same.' |
Re: English Funny Jokes
A man was walking down the street when he saw a woman with the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, breasts he'd ever seen.
He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away. The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away. The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed. They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them. The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!" The man replied, "Nah, too expensive." lool |
Re: English Funny Jokes
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." |
Re: English Funny Jokes
Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down,
lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes, and then says, ``Dammit, I said UP.'' :hawhaw: |
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