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Religions
The Kaizeumatics squad is back in semi action and is proud to present to you:
Funny Religions:D Basically this idea came from the fact that Athegan and I teamed up against some very twisted religious beliefs:p How about we start by something basic:D Scientology:D...Here's a copy of a brief report i wrote about scientology for my English Class:p Scientology During the freakish 1960's the name of L.Ron Hubbard was the subject of controversy. A science fiction writer turned prophet. And was the leader of a society which later grew to millions. This man is nothing but a failed college student who hated his psychology courses in college and decided to write science fiction and later on invented what he called scientology, an alternative to psychology of which he became the self proclaimed prophet later on. To top it off his holiness lived on a boat with only young boys and was busted by the F.B.I for charges including possession of narcotics, pedophilia ( scientology encourages it. To scientologists children are adults in little bodies and should be treated as adults), and racketeering,. His holiness is truly a model for us all. I have a very sick habit of being sarcastic at every possible occasion. And this time isn't any different. Which Is why I chose scientology as a topic for this report. However I will let the truth speak for itself for once. What you are about to hear is the bare truth. Millions of people actually believe this…stuff… It all began 75 million years ago, back then there was a galactic federation of planets ruled over by the evil Lord Xenu. Xenu thought his galaxy was overpopulated and so he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets and then had those aliens frozen. The frozen alien bodies were loaded onto Xenu's galactic cruisers which look like DC8 planes except with rocket engines. The cruisers then took the alien bodies to our planet, Earth, and dumped them into the volcanoes of Hawaii. The aliens were no longer frozen, they were dead. The Souls of those aliens, however, lived on, and all floated up towards the sky. But the evil lord Xenu had prepared for this. He didn't want their souls to return and so he built giant Soul Catchers in the sky. The souls were then taken to huge soul brainwashing facilities which Xenu had also built on earth. There the souls were forced to watch days of brainwashing material which tricked them into believing a false reality. Xenu then released the alien souls which roamed the earth aimlessly in confusion. At the dawn of man, the souls finally found bodies which they could grab onto. They attached themselves to all mankind, which still today causes all our fears, our confusions and our problems. Years later Xenu was overthrown and imprisoned in a mountain by a force field. He is thought to be imprisoned in the Pyrenees mountains of Europe. There is no question about it. Either we are complete unsuspecting fools or psychiatrists in America could become extremely rich thanks to these people. If they can afford 240$ worth of application fees they must surely be able to afford psychological help. Should we have the time we could have given you more details on the matter but we decided to stick to the basic ideology that they follow. We might also add that many celebrities are scientologists, such as Tom Cruise, John Travolta, as well as Madonna. Scientology is one of the many growing religions that draw questions marks. We could for example talk about mormons and their holy church underwear but the underwear alone needs an hour of our time to contemplate, laugh at and simply attempt to explain. Indeed when we examine these two faiths we can no longer be surprised to know that we are only half a chromosome from being apes. Also Included: Pics of Lord Xenu:hawhaw: Xenu As depicted in Southpark:p Xenu as depicted in BBC Panorama http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...C_Panorama.jpg Next up:p Mormons and holy church underwear and a few added details about scientology:p To be continued by Athegan:p |
Re: Funny Religions
Thank you Comrade Kain for this wonderful report on the cult called Scientology....
Dear vcoderz members, we might be subjective when presenting these different religions, we are humans after all, but we will only include facts about these religions. Facts that the adherers of these religions actually believe. There will be a weekly report about new religions, faiths and cults. We would like you to comment on what you read and please read the whole reports since they will be indeed interesting,enlightening, and,I have to say, at some points weird and funny :p Questions you can answer in your comments: What do you think of this religion? Would you ever be an adherer of it? If you were to say a word to the person who formed this religion, what would it be? What would you say to its adherers? Next week's report will be on Mormonism. Any suggestions are welcome via PM. Thank you... |
Re: Religions
I just can't believe it, I really don't know what to say:hizb:
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Re: Religions
All i have to say is:........LMFAO!
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Re: Religions
LMAO lool kif ellak 5ele2 tektob kel hal shi ?
ya3neh I really don't know what to say :D |
Re: Religions
Scientology Update
A few weird quotes by the "prophet" of Scientology, L.Ron Hubbard. This will help you understand the ethics of this man, at the bottom you can find the source. Please comment :D : - "I’d like to start a religion. That’s where the money is" (1949) - "If attacked on some vulnerable point by anyone or anything or any organization, always find or manufacture enough threat against them to cause them to sue for peace." (1960) - "The law can be used very easily to harass, and enough harassment on somebody who is simply on the thin edge anyway, well knowing that he is not authorized, will generally be sufficient to cause his professional decease. If possible, of course, ruin him utterly." (1955) - "When you move off a point of power, pay all your obligations on the nail, empower all your friends completely and move off with your pockets full of artillery, potential blackmail on every erstwhile rival, unlimited funds in your private account and the addresses of experienced assassins and go live in Bulgravia and bribe the police." [Bulgravia = BULgaria, GReece, Albania or YugoslaVIA] (1967) -"When somebody enrolls, consider he or she has joined up for the duration of the universe - never permit an ‘open-minded’ approach... If they enrolled, they’re aboard, and if they’re aboard they’re here on the same terms as the rest of us - win or die in the attempt. Never let them be half minded about being Scientologists... When Mrs. Pattycake comes to us to be taught, turn that wandering doubt in her eye into a fixed, dedicated glare… The proper instruction attitude is, ‘We'd rather have you dead than incapable.’" (1965) Source |
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Buhahaha lol :D :D :D :D
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is that true about Scientology ?
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yes:p wlak shou bek i already talked to you about them long ago:p
Google them anyway...you'll have fun:p |
btw you promised us about the mormons :p , and do Scientology base its beliefs on facts and evidence?
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Haha I like this :p
In the Yazidi belief system, God created the world and it is now in the care of a Heptad of seven Holy Beings.The Yazidi pantheon has God at the top, but he is only the creator, and is no longer an acting force.The acting forces are represented by Malak Ta'us and Shaykh Adii(a 12th-century Lebanese-born :| :hizb: Arab mystic whose tomb, in Lalish in northern Iraq, is their main place of pilgrimage)who acts in cooperation with Malak Ta'us, the peacock angel who fell into disgrace, but then repents. The Kitęba Cilwe "Book of Illumination", which claims to be the words of Tawűsę Melek, and which presumably represents Yazidi belief, states that he allocates responsibilities, blessings and misfortunes as he sees fit and that it is not for the race of Adam to question him. Sheikh Adî believed that the spirit of Tawűsę Melek is the same as his own, perhaps as a reincarnation. He is believed to have said: "I was present when Adam was living in Paradise, and also when Nemrud threw Abraham in fire. I was present when God said to me: 'You are the ruler and Lord on the Earth'. God, the compassionate, gave me seven earths and throne of the heaven." Yazidis believe that Melek Taus is not a source of evil or wickedness. They consider him to be the leader of the archangels, not a fallen angel, and therefore comparable to the Christians' Lucifer, who is likewise considered the leader of the "seven who stand before the Lord" and of all other good angels. God first created Melek Taus from his own illumination and the other six archangels were created later. God ordered Melek Taus not to bow to other beings. Then God created the other archangels and ordered them to bring him dust from the Earth and build the body of Adam. Then God gave life to Adam from his own breath and instructed all archangels to bow to Adam. The archangels obeyed except for Melek Taus. In answer to God, Malek Taus replied, "How can I submit to another being! I am from your illumination while Adam is made of dust." Then God praised him and made him the leader of all angels and his deputy on the Earth. (This likely furthers what some see as a connection to the Islamic Shaytan, as according to legend he too refused to bow to Adam at God's command, though in this case it is seen as being a sign of Shaytan's sinful pride.) Hence the Yazidis believe that Melek Taus is the representative of God on the face of the Earth, and comes down to the Earth on the first Wednesday of Nisan (March/April). Yazidis hold that God created Malek Taus on this day, and celebrate it as New Year's day. Yazidis argue that the order to bow to Adam was only a test for Melek Taus, since if God commands anything then it must happen.Yazidi mythology also includes descriptions of heaven and hell, with hell extinguished."Malak Taus filled 7 jars of tears through 7,000 years. His tears were used to extinguish the fire in hell. Therefore, there is no hell in Yazidism. Yazidi are dominantly monogamous but chiefs may be polygamous, having more than one wife. Yazidi are exclusively endogamous; clans do not intermarry even with other Kurds and accept no converts. They claim they are descended only from Adam and not from Eve.Before the roles of the sexes were determined, Adam and Eve quarreled about which of them provided the creative element in the begetting of children. Each stored their seed in a jar which was then sealed. When Eve's was opened it was full of insects and other unpleasant creatures, but inside Adam's jar was a beautiful boychild. This lovely child, known as son of Jar grew up to marry a houri and became the ancestor of the Yazidis. Therefore, the Yazidi are regarded as descending from Adam alone, while other humans are descendants of both Adam and Eve. Yazidis refrain from wearing the color blue. (Or possibly green as stated in "Soldier Poet and Rebel" by Miles Hudson) The origins of this prohibition are unknown, but may either be because blue represents Noah's flood, or it was possibly the color worn by a conquering king sometime in the past. Alternatively, the prohibition may arise from their veneration of the Peacock Angel and an unwillingness to usurp His color. Also,they take their fierce prohibition against eating lettuce. Behold,the peacock :D: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...Melek_taus.png Will lettuce ever win the epic battle against his peacockness :(? Only time will tell 4D http://www.vegetablesgrowing.com/images/lettuce.jpg |
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my money is on the lettuce :p |
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