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Kain 07-17-2011 09:05 PM

The 7 Most Terrifyingly Huge Things in the History of Nature
The 7 Most Terrifyingly Huge Things in the History of Nature

By: David Dietle, Jacopo Della Quercia , Karl Smallwood

We may be the undisputed kings of the food chain, but when it comes to being pant-soilingly huge, we come up a bit short. We can hang out with tiny dogs and house cats until we feel like the T-Rex of our home -- but in the back of our mind, we know; Nature has produced terrifyingly huge and horrific organisms that could kill us without noticing, either by stepping on us, accidentally swallowing us the way we might swallow a fly or simply stopping our heart with sheer terror.


#7. A Crab as Big as Your Car

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
In this case, almost all of them are some variation of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Japanese spider crabs possess all the most terrifying qualities of each of its namesakes. Lets just make a list, shall we? From spiders it has:

  • Long spindly legs to help it creep through your nightmares.
  • A terrifyingly disproportionate body just to freak you out.
  • The ability to trigger the primal arachnophobe inside us all.

And from crabs it has:

  • A hammer-proof body.
  • Claws perfectly shaped for attacking soft human limbs.
  • Years of pent up anger from seeing its family served with lemon butter.
These things can grow to sizes of just under 13 feet, or if you prefer, the size of a family car.

"For me? Awww, Tim Burton -- you shouldn't have!"

Luckily though they are only found in Japan and even then you have to go pretty deep underwater to find one. If you ever do venture that deep, you're on the crabs' home turf, but at least you could prepare properly -- those underwater flamethrower modifications are bound to work. And then you've got crab legs for the rest of the year, baby!

(Tomorrow: #6.The Prehistoric Whale With 14-Inch Teeth)

Kain 07-18-2011 10:13 AM

#6.The Prehistoric Whale With 14-Inch Teeth

For being the biggest animals in the ocean, whales are usually nothing more than floating islands, filter-feeding on tiny shrimp. But set your time machine back far enough, and you'll find the waters full of insanity:
That thing could eat humans by the handful like popcorn.

Yep, Moby Dick had nothing on Livyatan Melvilli. If you haven't guessed, this thing was named after Herman Melville, and a giant sea monster from the Bible.
That's not the whole animal. That's just its freaking skull.

This thing was the same size and shape of a modern sperm whale (that is, four times as long as the largest great white sharks), with a head built like a battering ram and a tail as big as a small car. Only with one major difference: while the sperm whale's mouth is built for gently swallowing animals with no skeleton, Livyatan had teeth up to 14-inches long.
Those are individual teeth. Holy Crap!

What could a katana-toothed sperm whale eat, though? Whatever the hell it wanted to.
Artist's rendition of evolution just flipping the hell out.

The Livyatan lived in a time when the ocean's whale species were growing larger and diversifying, which means Moby Monster feasted mainly on other whales. It was a hypercarnivore, which means it got 70 percent of its sustenance from meat, which puts it in the same category as big cats, eagles and sharks. Though we prefer to think "hypercarnivore" means it hunted like Gary Busey with a pound of stimulants and a mouthful of steak knives.
Honestly, it doesn't even need the teeth. It could just swallow you like a pill.

It shared the same oceans as another giant thank-God-for-extinction-events horror, the Megalodon. So if you decide to go swimming during your time travel adventure, your fate will either be "eaten by giant shark" or "eaten by murderous sperm whale," and in both cases, it'd probably happen because the monster accidentally devoured you while trying to eat the comparatively smaller creature that was in the process of eating you.

Confucius 07-18-2011 10:51 AM

ohh..I miss these threads of urs :004:
the Shark is huuuuuuuge :| strange how Whales got all gay now when they used to be carnivores before ):

Kain 07-19-2011 09:54 AM

#5.The Dinosaur that Makes Other Dinosaurs Look Like Lap Dogs

Picture the biggest of the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park (specifically, the Brachiosaurus, aka the gigantic dinosaur with the long neck). Now let's use it to give you some sense of scale as to just how huge the Amphicoelias Fragillimus was. Here's Dr. Ian Malcolm, standing next to a Brachiosaurus ...

... which was apparently just this bigger dinosaur's pet:
This giant was the single largest land-based life form -- never mind dinosaur -- on record.
The femur alone is estimated to be bigger than a grown man.

Although paleontologists have nothing to work with other than a drawing of one bone from this monster, it was large enough to give us a rough idea of the obscene size of it. Do you remember this scene from King Kong?
The one where Kong's pinkie crushes that woman?

Amphicoelias Fragillimus was not only taller than King Kong or that 'rex, it was tall enough to have walked over them. This beast was big enough to have eaten you out of a six-story window. It stretched roughly 30-feet longer than Godzilla was tall, which according to Homeland Security, registers it as a class-G movie monster.
Dude was taller than a Rancor with King Kong on its shoulders.

(Tomorrow #4: The Thousand Pound Cat)

SysTaMatIcS 07-19-2011 12:15 PM

i wish there were dinasours now :(

Kain 07-20-2011 08:18 AM

#4.The Thousand-Pound Cat

Via Hkandy

But why are we looking to the distant past and Japan for monstrous creatures that can bite you in half? They didn't all go extinct, you know. Some of them are just being invented. Like the liger.

A liger, as Napoleon Dynamite fans know, is what happens when a lion and a tiger end up in the same cage and end up getting married instead of clubbing each other to death. When the offspring stands on its hind legs, it's twice as tall as a man:
And considers women on stepladders to be "meat-fruit."

Ligers are like the Blade of the big cat world; they possess all of the strengths of both parent animals and have none of their weaknesses. And "big cat" is an understatement: It's a half-ton, 12-foot-long snarling mass of muscle capable of fitting your entire screaming head in its mouth. Oh, and it moves as fast as your car goes on the highway.
That's right; it's reportedly capable of running 60 miles per hour. Can you run that fast? Just imagine being hit by half a ton traveling at that speed, then remember it has this attached to the end.
This one is called Hercules:
Which is Roman for, "OH MY DEAR GOD, IT'S GOT MY LEG!"

Look at the scale there. Compare the lady's head with the liger's mouth.

Hercules happened as a result of a lion and tiger getting their freak on because scientists accidentally let them breed (sure ... "accidentally"). In just three short years Hercules already massively outgrew both of his parents, presumably right before eating them.

(Tomorrow :#3. Antlers twice the size of a man)

Confucius 07-20-2011 09:41 AM

1. is it gay or something? how come ppl keep posing with them?! :Tawa:
2. it's fugly! it sure does posses the best of both but that doesn't apply on the beauty bit ):

Kain 07-20-2011 10:44 AM


Originally Posted by Confucius (Post 232394)
1. is it gay or something? how come ppl keep posing with them?! :Tawa:

It's tamed since it's zoo bred; that and it's sterile as it's the offspring of two different species :p Very few (if any) interspecies offspring are capable of reproducing.


Originally Posted by Confucius
2. it's fugly! it sure does posses the best of both but that doesn't apply on the beauty bit ):

Naaah i think it's cute as a buttonlool

Kain 07-21-2011 08:34 AM

#3.Antlers Twice the Size of a Man

If there existed an award for "Most Underrated Badass" in the animal kingdom, the winner would probably be deer. We always think of Bambi when we see one, but these guys charge their way through adolescence in a blood orgy of hormone-fueled, antler-clashing mayhem. But even the most badass trophy bucks of modern times pale in comparison to the beasts our ancient brethren tangled with:
One of many reasons why man invented the cannon.
You see, back in the day, deer were essentially bears with what can only be called "antlers" in the Crocodile Dundee School of Zoology -- meaning that if you think deer today have massive antlers, well ...
Say hello to Megaloceros Giganteus: the Irish elk. This enormous Eurasian monster is the largest deer we know about, and it was easily recognized by the two insane war-axes growing out of its skull. Why did their antlers get so big? Why else? To get freaky eaky eaky!

If women aren't impressed by them, there's something wrong with the women.

While it is believed that the Irish elk already had large antlers to begin with, it should come as no surprise that only elks sporting the largest weaponry were able to win enough primeval brawls to pump out a few heirs. By modern standards, this would be like bringing an AT-AT to a knife-fight, and to the winner went home with Bambi's mother.
Imagine hitting one of those beasts with your Acura, never mind having one jump inside your home, place of business or kids' elementary school.

Of course, our ancestors didn't come across any of them within the confines of a car. So now picture crossing paths with one of these maulers during mating season, armed with nothing but a sharpened stick. See how well you match up against proto-Bambi.
All of a sudden, getting shot off-screen doesn't sound so bad.

#2.Sperm 20 Times the Size of the Creature it Comes From]

Sogelec 07-21-2011 02:02 PM

and #1 is Fouad el Sanioura :D

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