[M.A]

Man's 5 most feared questions are.....

1 What are you thinking about?
2 Do you love me?
3 Do I look fat?
4 Do you think she is prettier than me?
5 What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly
(i.e. Tells the truth).

Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below along with possible responses.


Question 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is:
"I'm sorry if I have been a bit pensive darling.
I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
Thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are,
And how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to
The true answer,
which most likely is one of the following:
A. Nothing
B. Football
C. Jennifer Lopez
D. How fat you are
E. How would I spend the insurance money if you died

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered
By Al Bundy, who once told Peg:
"If I wanted you to know what I was thinking,
I would be talking to you."

Question 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more
Detailed answer is necessary: "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
A. Oh yeah, sh*t loads
B. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
C. That depends on what you mean by love
D. Does it matter
E. Who, me?

Question 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"

Among the incorrect answers are:
A. Compared to what?
B. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
C. A little extra weight looks good on you.
D. I've seen fatter.
E. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking
About how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question 4: Do you think she is prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic:
"Of course not!!"

Incorrect responses include:
A. Yes, but you have a better personality
B. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
C. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
D. Define "pretty"
E. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking
About how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer of
Course is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat".)

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at
Least an hour of follow-up questions,
usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurt look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace
Them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.

WOMAN: Go to HELL
MAN: F***