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Old 08-17-2010   #6
Kain
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#3.Zombie Bugs





The tree weta is a mix between a giant cockroach, a cricket and everything that is wrong with the world. They typically live in holes in the ground, or crevices in trees, so thankfully they're one of those things that you can avoid by never going outside...ever




Great! So How Do I Kill It?


The tree weta has a special protein in their blood that prevents water from freezing, allowing them to go into a deep freeze and still have their blood flowing when they wake back up.


And forgive us for our candor, but so freakin' what?
When we call our girlfriend in to kill bugs for us, she doesn't usually put them in the refrigerator. It's like a bug with an auto-coat. Good for it. As long as it fits neatly beneath a shoe while we scream in the corner, we're good.



"Is it dead? Should I call the police?"

Ah, but you know us: We're like M. Night Shyamalan without the pretension--there's always a twist. They're not just resistant to freezing, their brains and hearts actually completely die when frozen, then somehow recover good as new when thawed out.
It dies, and then it lives again.
It is undead.


That's right, zombies are technically real. God apparently didn't think they were freaky enough on their own, so he shaped them like giant cockroaches too.



Braaaiiiins!
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