#2.Lungfish
The lungfish is one of the oldest species living today. Its lineage traces directly to a species alive right after the breakup of Pangaea--which Wikipedia tells us was the original super-continent and not, as we have for years assumed, some sort of tragically disbanded Dinosaur Speedmetal group.
Nor is there a hipster version.
The lungfish--as you may have cleverly guessed by the inclusion of the "fish" descriptor--is an aquatic creature. But unlike most aquatic creatures, they have learned to endure the occasional prolonged dry spell, with one branch of the family even doing so yearly. They burrow themselves deep down into the ground and secrete a mucous substance around them--like a snot cocoon (hope you're not reading this at breakfast time. Still want that key lime yogurt?)--which preserves the moisture in their bodies. Their metabolic rate then drops into a state of aestivation, allowing them to go without nutrients for very long periods of time.
Just like the Cracked staff.
A science lab in East Africa witnessed this phenomena firsthand when a lungfish, while being transported in an air-tight metal cylinder full of mud (a method of travel a lungfish could easily survive for a brief time), became lost during the trip. When they finally recovered it after six months of being shipped from lab to lab, the mud in the cylinder had long since hardened and the air had been depleted, basically burying the poor thing alive.
"Shit, we didn't really think this through."
Which was totally cool with the lungfish; after the team added a little water, it popped right back to life -- perfectly fine in every respect.
They buried it alive without air or moisture for six months and couldn't kill it. If Hollywood has taught us anything, that's enough motivation for the lungfish to don a sinister cloak and start killing teenagers with a hacksaw.
Katanas are still scary
(bi tasarrof
)