[Kain]

Most human beings are inexplicably drawn to at least some measure of mind-altering substances, from your grandmother sipping her soothingly-caffeinated tea to the dude in Under Armour sweatpants puking out rivers of beer in front of your apartment building at seven o'clock on a Sunday morning.


However, only the few, the visionaries, look at passing wildlife and think, "Hey, I wonder if that creature can get me wasted? Let's lick it and find out."
The sad part? Those guys are often rewarded for their efforts, by animals like...


#6.Giraffes

The Arabic-speaking Humr people of Sudan are strictly forbidden to partake in any plant-based intoxicant such as alcohol or cannabis, which is a bizarrely specific restriction reminiscent of the Transportation Security Administration's express identification of nunchucks as a prohibited item on airplanes. However, as long as only plant-based toxins are forbidden, we're seeing a loophole big enough for B.J. McKay to drive through.

You can't see it, but Bear has nunchucks.

Umm Nyolokh is a made from the liver and bone marrow of giraffes, a compound believed to contain traces of DMT and other psychoactive components. The primary effect of Umm Nyolokh is the hallucinations it reportedly causes, which stupendously are hallucinations of giraffes. As whimsical as this sounds, seeing the animal that you just killed to get high sounds like it could make for some pretty terrifying trips.

"REMEMBER ME, ASSWIPE?"

Among the Humr people, the purpose of taking Umm Nyolokh is that the visions supposedly reveal the location of more giraffes that can be hunted. At first glance this seems like a very vision-quest type thing to do; a spiritual extension of a people living harmoniously with nature. But like the 80s drug PSA starring the stock broker who "does more coke, so he can make more money, so he can buy more coke," the tribesman probably take that extra hit of Umm Nylokh so they can locate more giraffes, so they can make more Umm Nyolokh, so they can locate more giraffes. It's a vicious cycle, and one that we'd imagine has to make for some much more confused hunting and gathering.

"Crap, are you the giraffe I just killed and made drugs from, or the giraffe I'm about to kill and make drugs from?"

It's really no more harmonious than taking your stereo to Cash Converters so you can buy a couple grams of heroin, though admittedly less African wildlife is involved.




(bi tasarrof)