#2.Shrimp Shells
Shrimp are an amazing species, blessed with the rare abilities to be delicious, ugly as a mule's behind and really easy to catch. Even the most inbred son of the bayou can outsmart a herd of shrimp, which is why you can eat them for cheap in New Mexico even though nothing that even vaguely resembles a shrimp actually lives within a few hundred miles.
The only problem with eating shrimp is that you can never eat all of the damn things. You can eat the guts, even that little poop chute they call a vein to keep it classy, but you can't really do anything but slurp the shells and let them pile up next to your recliner.
Or so you thought. Some scientists in the army have found an extremely cool way to use those nasty old shrimp corpses to
stop people from dying. They've developed a revolutionary medical patch that stops even the worst arterial bleeding entirely within one to five minutes.
By zapping out some of the chains in the atoms making up shrimp shells, this patch is able to control even hemorrhagic bleeding with incredible success, putting mankind one step further in our insatiable quest to kick death in the shins forever or, failing that, make drunken knife throwing competitions a little less lethal.
And after the knife-throwing we can all have a snack. Everybody wins!
The HemCom company is even now selling them in bulk to the U.S. Government, who expects them to reduce all combat deaths by 20-30 percent and leave our armed forces stinking of low tide.
(Tomorrow: #1. Hookworms)