Swimming & Beach Tips:
-never swim in a pool, they have a little bit of water in them but a lot more of kiddy piss
-never swim near Beirut or Zouk, unless you like to swim in industrial waste instead of piss, go to the north or south instead
-learn to love swimming in the sea, it gives you the perfect excuse to leave your girlfriend tanning and go hit on other chicks
...
http://zquill.com/swimming-and-beach-tips/