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Old 12-08-2010   #5
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Spiderman Webs

Some of us, as children, saw Spider-man’s amazing agility and web-swinging prowess and were immediately struck with jealous awe. The desperation even had some of us – who shall remain unnamed and are in no way me – microwaving spiders in an attempt to harness their radioactive bite (all right, so some of us were a little more retarded than others.) Not like Liming Dai, and Zhong Lin Wing, two professors at the universities of Dayton and Georgia Tech, respectively, who invented a material with ten times better proportional sticktion (I swear to god that’s also a word) than a Gecko’s foot.

The true awesomeness of the material, however, is that the nanotube spatulae (basically microscopic hairs) design also allows the material to pull free with a well-placed tug, letting you adhere to virtually any surface as well as quickly remove from that surface for redeployment. Or, as your childhood selves would understand it: Holy Shit! We get to swing on webs now!
So on the upside: Childhood dreams realized! Let’s get to work on making Transformer Best Friends a reality and we’re all set. On the downside? Prepare for a massive Darwinian strike aimed solely at the ADD infested nerd-children of America. Their awkward, flailing flips and mid-air somersaults shall bring a reaping as terrible to endure as it is hilarious to see.
problems of performance appraisal is that it sucks to memorize them
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