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Old 09-22-2010   #2
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For those who missed a few classes of third grade Biology, salamanders are those amphibians that look like lizards as part of a desperate natural ploy to stop getting thrown out of reptilian country clubs. Salamanders also have the charming characteristic of oozing mucous from pores in their skin, protecting them from drying out in the air and providing lubrication while in the water.

Geraldo shares this trait.

In many species this doubles as a defense mechanism, as the mucous is both highly toxic and completely freaking disgusting.
You're right with us if you're thinking right now you'd rather keep these things as far away from your mouth as possible. However, a Slovenian folk recipe for salamander brandy calls for throwing live salamanders into a fermenting pot of fruit.

The salamander, in an attempt not to absorb ethanol into its sensitive skin, will exude the toxic mucous until its ooze-glands are spent and it dies, because the one thing missing from our fruit bowl is a rotting dead amphibian.

"Wow... that's a lot of blood."

The resulting salamander brandy has euphoric, hallucinogenic and aphrodisiac effects to the point that it is said that after drinking it, users may suddenly develop spontaneous new fetishes--which could be for anything at all--and then act them out on something completely different in their hormone-driven salamander juice confusion.

So, the evening of a typical salamander brandy drinker may progress from pizza and TV, to cracking open a salamander brandy, to developing the insatiable urge to commit adultery with a dishwasher, to mistaking a cat for a dishwasher, to mistaking Mr.T for a cat, and well you know where that'll lead to...

"I pity the foo'...about to receive one hell of an ass whoopin''d like that wouldn't you?"

(bi tasarrof)
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