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Old 02-03-2011   #91
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Guy: Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind, it's too long.

Girl: Wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it


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Old 02-23-2011   #92
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"Heaven" is when you have:
- An American salary
- A British house
- Chinese food
- A German car
- A Lebanese girl friend

"Hell" is when you have:

- An American car
- A British girl friend
- A Chinese home
- German food
- A Lebanese salary.............
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Old 03-12-2011   #93
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It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. “Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. “OK, picture this; I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”
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Old 03-14-2011   #94
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Two Italians enter the bus in New York

... and start very noisy conversation: " 'em cum first, then I cum, two asses together, I cum again, two asses together, then I pee, pee again and I cum in the end.." An old lady nearby can't stand it any longer and says: "You pigs, what a shame to discuss your disgusting sexual life on public!" Italian:"Hey, wassup lady??? I just tella friend, how to spella Mississippi.."
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Old 05-13-2011   #95
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There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
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Old 05-17-2011   #96
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Question: What's your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world?

African answer: What do you mean by 'food'?
European: What do you mean by 'shortage'?
U.S.: What do you mean by 'the rest of the world'?
Arabic: What do you mean by 'opinion'?
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Old 05-27-2011   #97
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A blonde walked into a store to buy curtains.

She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my computer screen.

The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."

The blonde said, "Hellooo…. I have windows!"
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Old 07-12-2011   #98
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Boyfriend: Baby are you jealous..??

Girlfriend : No.

Boyfriend: Baby are you jealous?

Girlfriend : No.

Boyfriend: Baby are you jealous?

Girlfriend : I already told you, No!

Boyfriend: Baby can I get a kiss?

Girlfriend : GO GET A KISS FROM THAT GIRL WHO LIKED YOUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK!
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Old 08-04-2011   #99
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Lionel Messi once entered the bedroom of a girl with whom he hoped to score. Inside, the girl tells him to get comfortable and she leaves the room to go and freshen up. To her horror, when she returns, she finds him nude lying on the bed with two other spaniards.

The girl shouts, "What's going on?
To this messi replies, " I'm sorry, but i cannot perform without Xavi and Iniesta!
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Old 08-04-2011   #100
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Quote:
Originally Posted by H@SSŕN View Post
Lionel Messi once entered the bedroom of a girl with whom he hoped to score. Inside, the girl tells him to get comfortable and she leaves the room to go and freshen up. To her horror, when she returns, she finds him nude lying on the bed with two other spaniards.

The girl shouts, "What's going on?
To this messi replies, " I'm sorry, but i cannot perform without Xavi and Iniesta!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA HAHAHHAHAHA LOVED IT
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