Funny Jokes #2

[Jean]

A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs.
She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect
it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very
embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed
her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up at that
moment. As she turns back, standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, she asks,
"Sir, how much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit in
your pants when you hear what the price is."

[Kingroudy]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me!", she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be alright...I’ll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away an laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel?"

To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

[Kingroudy]

this guy named stan one day walks into the doctors office and says to the doctor "hey dddoc ive gottt thisss studddddoring probblem. can youuu helllp me??? the doc say" sure but first i need to know what may be causing this strange problem. stan replies "well dddoc i’ve gottt a 12 incch ddick, couldd that bbe the pproblemm. the doc says,"i think so, how about i remove half of your penis and see how things go after that." stan replies"ddo whatever itttt ttakes. ddoc" so after the procedure is over and done with, stan comes back a week later and says to the doctor "hey doc my voice is back to normal!! its great but theres only one thing wrong, now my s*x life isnt so great, can i have the other half of my dick back?? and the doc replies "ffffff*c****** yyyyou!!"

[rodolphe]

once a time, about 10 or 15 years ago(metil ma badkon) a aounist man get married to an LF girl. they had one son.
one day, the son came back home and he asked his mom: "Ya mama ana aouni walla 2ouwwet??????" she told him to wait his father to come back from work and to ask this question to him. but his dad was late that night.
the next day, he camed and he was nervous and he wanted to know what he is. and same as the previous day his dad was late.
the third day, he camed home and he was toooooo angry. he went to his mom and he asked her: " ya mama ana shou, leih ma hada bi2eileih, baddi 2a3rif shou lezim 2a3mol??????" his mom looked at him and asked him: " but what you want to know ? "
and he replied: " ya mama, fi bicyclet bil madrassi sarla 2 days, baddi 2a3ref 2iza bo2rota, walla bidfa3 7a2a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

baynetna, lol fiya wou ma fiya el 2ossa. ma heik ?????

[Tawa]

Originally Posted by rodolphe

once a time, about 10 or 15 years ago(metil ma badkon) a aounist man get married to an LF girl. they had one son.
one day, the son came back home and he asked his mom: "Ya mama ana aouni walla 2ouwwet??????" she told him to wait his father to come back from work and to ask this question to him. but his dad was late that night.
the next day, he camed and he was nervous and he wanted to know what he is. and same as the previous day his dad was late.
the third day, he camed home and he was toooooo angry. he went to his mom and he asked her: " ya mama ana shou, leih ma hada bi2eileih, baddi 2a3rif shou lezim 2a3mol??????" his mom looked at him and asked him: " but what you want to know ? "
and he replied: " ya mama, fi bicyclet bil madrassi sarla 2 days, baddi 2a3ref 2iza bo2rota, walla bidfa3 7a2a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

baynetna, lol fiya wou ma fiya el 2ossa. ma heik ?????

HAHA!!! this is rahibeh betjannin man walla... wfiya wejhit nazar kamein thanks thanks thanks

[Jean]

Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile
cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under
it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries
starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He
says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat
us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."

[badboy_10452]

سيارة إطفائية رايحة المخبز ليش؟ لأنه في رغيف انحرق

في فريق كرة قدم للنمل ، بيلعب معهم صرصور ليش ؟
- لاعب اجنبي

فيه فارة طموحها في المستقبل ان تكون ماوس كمبيوتر




في واحد احول غمز بنت خش في العامود

صرصور طلع من خلاط كهربائي قال : يلعن أبو اللي يدخل ملاهي مرة ثانية

نملة جالسة على بطنها ليش ؟

- بتحل الوظيفة

مرة واحد بيكره نفسه وقع في حفرة قال لحاله : أحسن

مرة واحد غبي يتكلم قدّام المروحة ليش ؟

- علشان يتكلم عالهواء مباشرة

فيه واحد نذل صار مدير دار ايتام عمل مجلس آباء

واحد بايخ تزوج وحدة بايخة جابوا ولد عمل نفسه ميت

واحد دلوع تزوج دلوعه جابوا ولد سموه : يااااااي

مرّه واحد راح يقابل خطيبته اخذ معاه ملعقة ليش ؟

- علشان يحّرك مشاعرها

في صرصورين نايمين في غرفة الانعاش واحد سأل الثاني قال له :" ريد" ؟

قال : لا حذاء ...

مسطول بيقول لمسطول : انا بردان من المكيف , رد المسطول الثاني وقال : انا محمد من الرياض

واحد دلوع دخل الجيش سأله الضابط : شو بتعمل إذا واجهت العدو ؟

رد عليه: ارمي سلاحي في وجهه وأقول له : بكرهك … بكرهك

مسطول ماشي في الشارع شاف دورية شرطة ، حب يبعد الشبهات عن نفسه وقفهم وقال : هاي اللومينا للبيع !!

[Jean]

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other's bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".
\She slides her hands further down and gasps.
"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?"
"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots.
I need more rope!"

[Kingroudy]

Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."

The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"

Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."

[Kingroudy]

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."

" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four."