JokeP

[jr]

• Ahmed left Syria to the United States, and he was only there a few
  months when he became very ill.
  
  He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.
  Finally, he went to a Syrian doctor who said, "Take dees bocket, go
  into de odder room, sheet in de bocket, peeze on de sheet, den put
  your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for at least ten
  minutes."
  
  Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, shit in the bucket,
  pissed on the shit, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten
  minutes.
  
  Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific!
  "What was wrong with me?"
  The doctor said, "You were homesick."

[rEzZzie]

A Lebanese, a Syrian, and a black man are in a hospital.

All of their wives are about to deliver.

They are nervous and anxious and talking to each other to calm down.

After a while the doctor walks in and announces that all of their wives gave birth to healthy baby boys all within minutes of each other.

The men start celebrating and congratulating each other, but then the doctor says, "But I have a bit of bad news", the men fall silent.

He continues, "The nurse got confused and we don't know which boy belongs to whom".

At that the Lebanese man runs into the maternity ward and grabs the black baby screaming,

"This one is mine!"

The doctor runs after him and says, "But sir, both you and your wife are white."

The Lebanese man looks at him and replies:

"Listen, one of the other two is Syrian, I am NOT taking any chances!"

[jr]

good one

[rEzZzie]

Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?

Boy: Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say, "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".

[rEzZzie]

MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast say
"DON'T". And if he touches your pussy say STOP!

GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him DON'T STOP!!!!"

[rEzZzie]

What men do after sex?

2% eat; 3% smoke cigarettes; 4% take a shower; 5% go to sleep and
86% get up and go back home to their wives.

[jr]

Originally Posted by rEzZzie

What men do after sex?

2% eat; 3% smoke cigarettes; 4% take a shower; 5% go to sleep

True :mrgreen:

[jr]

You Know You're an Arab When...

You refuse to drive anything but a BMW or Mercedes...

You're always on the verge of trading in your Honda/Nissan for a Beamer or
Mercedes....

Your wardrobe consists of black, black, and more black...

Your Armani pants don't fit you, but you wear them anyways.

Your refer to your dad's friends as Amoo. ..

You have a houka as a centerpiece in your living room. ...

You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and pumpkin seeds...

You actually like yogurt drinks. ...yea its good

You either tip 2% or 50% but never 15%. ...

Your parents say you're becoming Americanized anytime you get into trouble.

You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life....

You curse at your teachers or strangers in Arabic. ....

You can spot an Arab a mile away and they have spotted at you because they
keep staring. ..

After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the
dishes while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for
their tea. ..

You walk down a street with Arab stores and you are trying to eavesdrop on
others' Arabic conversations.

Your parents want you to become a doctor.

You use your forehead and eyebrows to point something out...

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if
you're in the next room. ....

You have at least thirty cousins. ...

You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a
cold. ..

You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal. ...

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house. ...

You say bye 17 times on the phone. ...

When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover
they know one of your uncles back home. ...

Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have
improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their
lungs when making long distance calls. ..

Your friends tell you to be quiet when you are on the phone with your
family because now you are screaming at the top of your lungs...

Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and
doesn't talk to her for ten years. ....

You hide everything from your parents. ...

Your mother does everything for you if you are male

You do all the housework and cooking if you are female...

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.....

Everyone is a family friend.

If you are male, you only date Westerners and even secretly get engaged to
one to scare your family, until you finally end up marrying an Arabic
girl....
If you are female, every guy you know dates Western girls who walk all over
him, then when he's finally ready to get married, he comes to ask for
you....

You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially
if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius...

You went to a university as far away from home as possible....

You still came back home to live with your parents after you graduate...

You teach Westerners swearwords in your Arabic

You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on". ...

You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see
at least twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

If you are male, you notice everyone holding their breath until you get out
of the bathroom, go back to your seat and close your eyes & pretend to fall
asleep on the airplane...

You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member
of...the royal family...

Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day...

You've had a shoe thrown at you by your mother. ....

You're proud to be an Arab

[xcoder]

hehehehe nice jokes

[rEzZzie]

HOW TO GET LEAVE

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her"...And where do you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this..... )
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She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"