Little Dirty Johnny

[M.A]

LITTLE JOHNNY WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN

Little Johnny and Little Lisa are only 10 years old, but they know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Lisa's father to ask for his blessing.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Jones, me and Lisa are in love and I want to ask you for your blessing."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Jones replies, "Well Johnny, you're only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Lisa's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just cute, Mr. Jones says, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. How will you afford food and rent?"

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "With our allowance. Lisa gets 5 bucks a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Jones is realizing that Johnny has put much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

He then says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you've got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should kids of your own?"

Johnny shrugs his shoulders and says "We've been lucky so far..."

[M.A]

LITTLE JOHNNY UNDER THE BED

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed putting a condom in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously "Whatcha doin daddy?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied

"Whatcha gonna do, f*@#% him

[M.A]

LITTLE JOHNNY: THE MATH WHIZ

Little Johnny returned from school and saying he got an 'F' in Math.

"Why?" asked his father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"

"But that's right!", said his dad, upset at the injustice.

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the f*@#%! difference?" asked his dad.

Little Johnny replied "That's exactly what I said!"

[M.A]

Sex With The Teacher


One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"

Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"

So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.

"Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"

So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"

The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"

[M.A]

The Lone Ranger

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.

Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.


One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."


"Very good, William," said the teacher.


"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.

"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.

"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."


The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"


" It'll teach those Indians not to **** with the Lone Ranger."

[M.A]

Little Johnny Answers The Teacher


Teacher "Hello boys, Remember!!! Nothing is impossible."
Johnny "Ok Sir, You please squeeze out all the toothpaste and put back it
into the tube again."


Teacher "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
longer interested to listen?"
Johnny "A Teacher."


Teacher "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."


Teacher "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but
also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"
Johnny "Because George still had the axe in his hand."


Teacher "Who are the most grateful people in the human race?"
Johnny "The turkish."
Teacher "Why is that?"
Johnny "You celebrate thanksgiving with turkeys right?"


Teacher "Why were the times of King Arthur known as the dark ages?"
Johnny "Because it was 'Knight' time sir!"


Teacher "Who is the fastest human being in the world?"
Johnny "My mother... She can catch me doing anything."

[M.A]

The Difference


One day, Little Johnny's 2nd grade class was taking a field trip
to the country where they would visit a farm. The kids were very
surprised to see all the different kind of animals.

So the farmer asks one little girl, "What's the difference between
a rooster and a hen?"

"The hen lays eggs." replied the little girl.

"Very good!" said the Farmer.

Then the farmer asked another little girl, "What's the difference
between a duck and a turkey?"

"Well," replied the girl. "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what
we have on Thanksgiving Day".

"Very good!" explained the farmer.

Then he asks Little Johnny, "Do you know the difference between a
bull and a cow"?

"Sure," replied Little Johnny. "Bulls smile when you milk them."


In The Alphabet


Little Johnny's 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.

"Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?"

Johnny says, "Yeah!"

[M.A]

Is That Sex?


A teacher was giving a lesson in sex education to her fourth grade
class. After showing a brief film and reading the lesson, she
asked if anyone had any questions.

One little boy held up his hand shyly. "Teacher, I have a boy dog
and he jumps over the fence and wrestles with this girl dog and
she has puppies. Is this sex?"

"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.

A little girl raised her hand. "Teacher, I have a girl cat and
there's a boy cat that jumps on her out in the yard and they
wrestle. Then she has kittens. Is that sex?"

"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny then raised his hand. "Teacher, the other night I
saw a movie where three guys wrestled with Sylvester Stallone. Is
that sex?"

"No, that was not sex," the teacher replied.

"Good," Little Johnny replied. "I always thought it would take
more than three guys to **** Stallone in the ass."

[M.A]

Math


The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in
class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"

[M.A]

Springing Up

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked,
"Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"

Grandpa looks at him and says, "I don't know Johnny, Should I?"

"Well Grandpa", says little Johnny."I don't think so."

"And why is that?" asks Grandpa.

Little Johnny replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your

pencil if you have no one worth writing to."

Johnny & Suzy

Little Suzy, age 9, and Little Johnny, age 10, are sitting on the front porch
swing.

Little Johnny says to Suzy..."Screw you Suzy."

A minute goes by and Little Suzy turns to Johnny, and says..."Screw you
Johnny."

Another minute goes by, and Johnny says to Suzy..."Screw you Suzy."

In a minute or two Suzy says to Johnny..."Screw you Johnny."

A few minutes pass, and Johnny says to Suzy..."Screw you Suzy."

A minutes later Suzy says to Johnny..."Screw you Johnny."

About that time an adult steps out on to the porch and says..."What are you
kids doing?"

They answer in unison....."We're having oral sex!"