Little Dirty Johnny

[TAREK®]

loooooooooooool guyz this thread is amazing ma ba2a fi?

[Sheriff Ice]

Little Dirty Johnny is Back

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, decided to get married. So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage.

"Where will you live?" asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute.

"Well," said Little Johnny, "I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us."

"And how will you live?"

"I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That should be enough."

Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie's dad asked, "And what if little ones come along?"

"Well," said Little Johnny, "we've been lucky so far."

[Sheriff Ice]

Little Johnny is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer.

Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss Jones?"

Miss Jones decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Mom calls your Dad, Johnny."

Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss Jones, I know that ain't a f*ck!n' pig!"

[Sheriff Ice]

Raw Materials

The teacher decided that in science class, she would teach her students about different materials. Standing at the front of the class,
she asked, "Children, if you were able to have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Raising his hand, little Timmy said, "I would choose gold. It's worth lots of money and I could buy a Porsche."

Next, little Lois raised her hand and said, "I would want platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette."

"Very good, both of you," said the teacher. "Johnny, what would you want?"

Little Johnny stood up and said, "Oh, I would want silicon."

"Why would you want silicon, Johnny?" asked the teacher.

"Heck, my mom has two bags of it and you wouldn't believe all the sports cars outside our house!" he replied.

[Sheriff Ice]

Little Johnny and April

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

[M.A]

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "LittleJohnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

[Rampage!!]

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".

She again says "NO".

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".

[jak]

[TAREK®]

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.
“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.
“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a
good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so
much hair?”

[Neoxter]

Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress’s quickly and goes to find him.

Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You’re wasting your time," say’s Little Johnny.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face."

"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."

All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.

Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."