English(Lang) Funny Jokes

[Jess]

MAN: Boy, wats ur dad's name?
BOY: His name is LAUGHING.
MAN: And ur mother's name?
BOY: SMILING.
MAN: You must b kidding?
BOY: No, thats my brother , I'm JOKING!!!!

[Jess]

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!


TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"? JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!


TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!


TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. GEORGE: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: George!


TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLY: Me!

[Jess]

An Italian, French and Chinese went for a job interview in England.

Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

The French was next: " I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.

Last was the Chinese: "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green", I "pink" up the phone and I say "Yellow. !!!!!!!!!!!!


loooooooooooooooooooooooool

[AnGe|ic]

In some hotel in Beirut, a Lebanese was eating his breakfast calmly: coffee, Croissant, baguette, butter and jam.
A Syrian tourist with a big chewing gum sat on the table in front of him.
While the Lebanese ignored him, the Syrian started a conversation:
Syrian: you Lebanese, you eat all your bread?
Lebanese (in bad humor) : yes.
Syrian (after making a big balloon with his chewing gum)
We in Syria, we eat only the interior, and we put the outer part in containers, we recycle them to croissants and we sell them to Lebanese.
The Syrian was smiling all over his face, while the Lebanese listened silently.
The Syrian persists:
And you eat your jam with the bread?
Lebanese: yes.
The Syrian (another big balloon noise) :
We in Syria, we eat fresh fruits at breakfast, and we put the peels and the seeds in containers, we recycle them to jam and we sell them to Lebanese.

At that moment the Lebanese asked: do you make love in Syria?
Syrian (with a big smile) : yeah sure, and a lot too.
Lebanese: and what do you do with the condoms?
Syrian: well, we throw them like everybody else in the world.
Lebanese: well, not us.
Once we finish using our condoms, we put them in containers, we recycle them to chewing gums and we sell them to Syrians.

[Jess]

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "what ?"

[Ghnadine]

Just for Laughs

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine . Lets find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********


What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

" With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

**********

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .

**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter ( Excitingly Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints...

[flamenguita]

How men change! ! !‏

The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?

Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?



Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!



Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??



New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch SHARKS play, if you're not in the
mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!

Making LOVe:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!