English Funny Jokes

[mr_j]

about movie heros


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If the hero has a psychological or physical problem which has

prevented him from effectively dealing with problems, you can
rest assured that this problem will disappear at an opportune
time.
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The hero always misses the villain leaving the scene by seconds.

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Stripping to the waist makes the hero invulnerable.

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The hero will always be paired off with a female character. The

sidekick never will.
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The hero's best friend/partner will usually be killed by the bad

guys three days before retirement.
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The hero's new wife will be mowed down by 80 machine guns

right after the wedding or during the honeymoon.
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Heroes can go without food or sleep or toilet breaks, with no

measurable drop in physical or mental faculties, for at least 72

hours.

_If the hero is a white male and has an assistant/sidekick who is
either not white or not male, the assistant/sidekick will die,

preferably in an act of heroic sacrifice

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If the movie hero has a sidekick and he mentions his family in

the first two minutes of the film, the sidekick will surely be killed.

[Kevin]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a youngcouple in bed.He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck,then gets up and goes into the bathroom.While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, 'Listen, this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes!He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.I saw how he kissed your neck.If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates (upset) you. This guy isprobably very dangerous.If he gets angry, he'll kill us Be strong, honey. I love you.'To which the wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.He told me he was gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline...I told him it was in the bathroom. So, Be strong, honey. 'I love you,too'.

[Rami_s]

This was nominated for best joke of the year - worth sharing.
A Somalian arrives in Vancouver as a new immigrant to Canada.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says ... 'Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada !'

The person says, 'I not Canadian, I am Vietnamese.'

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Canada !'

That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East , I am not Canadian !'

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, Are you a Canadian ?'

She says , 'No, I am from Africa !'

Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Canadians ?'

The African lady checks her watch and says ........ 'Probably at work'

[Rami_s]

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