Steven Seagal Jokes

[Jean]

Steven Seagal eats 5 trucks of food a day.

Special chairs were made to fit Steven Seagal's ass.

Steven Seagal has his own harem.

Steven Seagal doesn't have favorite food. He eats everything.

Steven Seagal only sleeps when having sex.

Steven Seagal is an undefeated champion of the world pie eating competition. His record is eating 500 pies in one hour.

Steven Seagal's penis knows aikido, but can't have an erection.

Steven Seagal can meditate and eat at the same time.

If a diet was a person, Steven Seagal would kill it.

Steven Seagal wanted to be a stunt double for King Kong but was rejected for being too fat.

While Steven Seagal was in Thailand he learned to eat and shit while levitating.

Steven Seagal's belly can repel cannon balls.

Once there used to be pie in this world, but then Steven Seagal came along.

If there are left-overs after he eats, Steven Seagal doesn't throw them, he eats them.

Steven Seagal looks mad, always, because he got his ass spanked by Steven Hawking.

When someone eats a hamburger, Steven Seagal eats two.

Steven Seagal is actually the owner of all fast food restaurants across the world.

Steven Seagal doesn't have a mood when he eats the most. He always eats the most.

A woman once tried to make fun of Steven Seagal's weight in bed. She now has 20 children that are fat and know aikido.

The only thing scarier than Steven Seagal without Botox is Steven Seagal WITH a record deal.

While in Tibet, Steven Seagal learned how to kill a man with such devices as a remote control and a bologna sandwich.

Steven Segal tried a roundhouse kick and kicked his own ass.

[Neoxter]

Here's one I like, and it's true

[Jean]