Artists/bands jokes

[SysTaMatIcS]

Iron Maiden
Q: What did Iron Maiden do when a flood of fans rushed toward them?
A: Run to The Hills

Q: Why did Janick Gers sleep with the TV on?
A: He had a Fear of The Dark

Tom jones
Patient: 'Doctor, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'.'
Doctor: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome....'
Patient: 'Is it common?'
Doctor: ”It's not unusual....'

Elton Jhon
Interviewer: Is that really your hair?
Elton John: Yes of course, I've got the receipt.

John Lennon
John Lennon went up to heaven. St Peter said to him "Can I have your autograph?"
Lennon said "Sod off - I got caught like that last time!"

Lindsay Lohan
How about this rioting in France? It's amazing how many cars have been destroyed.
Rioters have now destroyed more cars than Lindsay Lohan….

Bob Marley
Qhy did they have so much trouble burying Bob Marley?
A:His coffin kept jammin'

Qhat did Bob Marley say when his wife left him and took the oven?
A:No Woman, No Pie

Paul mccartney

A journalist asks Paul McCartney if he'll ever go down on one knee again.
Paul replies 'I'd prefer if you called her Heather.'

A South African miner loses a leg in an accident.
He cries 'Oh no! Who's going to want a one legged gold digger now?'
To which Paul McCartney shouts 'Me!!!!'

Papa Roch
Q: What did Jerry Horton yell at his lawnmower when it broke down and he found out that he could not fix it?
A: Go fix yourself!

Pink Floyd
Q: What does Pink Floyd and Dale Ernhart have in common?
A: The Wall!

Queen
Q:How did Freddy's boyfriend die?
A:Mercury poisoning!

Q: What did Freddie Mercury's mother say as his coffin was being lowered into the cold ground?
A: That is the cleanest hole he's been in for a while.

Lionel Richie
How long does Lionel Richie sit on the toilet?
All Night Long.

Spice Girls
What's the difference between the Spice Girls and a porn. movie?
The porn. movie occasionally has good music.

Briteny spears
Britney Spears decides to go out with her two new buddies, Shaggy and Craig David. They decide to go to the mall and thus enter the elevator to descend. Suddenly, one of them farts. Shaggy: 'It Wasn't Me' Craig: 'I'm Walking, Away' Britney: 'Oops, I Did It Again!'

Q: What did Britney's right leg say to her left leg?
A: Nothing, they've never been together!!

3 Doors Down
one concert the band found trouble finding the lead singer of Three Doors Down it appeared he was 2 doors down.

U2
Bono once was onstage clapping slowly and sonorously declaring.....
'Every time I clap (clap) my hands (clap) a child dies in Africa.'
At which point an intelligent person in the audience shouts 'Well, stop fu*king clapping, you idiot!!'

The Verve
Q: What did the lead singer of the Verve say to his therapist to get out of his therapy sessions?
A: 'I don't have a problem. It's just a bittersweet symphony, this life.'

Why don't The Verve sleep with blankets?
Because the rugs don't work!

WestLife
Q. What has 200 legs and no pubic hair?
A. The front row at a Westlife concert.

Stevie Wonder
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he!

How did Stevie Wonder meet his wife?
Blind date.

Q: How do you break Steve Wonder's neck?
A: Speed up the music.

Q: What goes ring-ring, ring-ring, ring- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH HH!!!!
A: Stevie Wonder answering the iron

What did Stevie Wonder's mother do for punishment?
Rearrange the furniture.

What was Stevie Wonder's first hit?
A lamp post.

Why does Stevie Wonder always smile?
No one's told him he's black yet.

The Who
Knock! Knock!!
Who's there?
The.
The who?
the who.
who the who?

Bryan Adams
This is a true story, but funny. A bride asked for her favourite song, Bryan Adams 'Everything I do…' - The theme from Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves (a joke itself) to be played at her wedding.
The day before, the church organist was taken ill and the previous incumbent, an elderly gentleman, stood in. As the bride came in, the organist saw 'Theme from Robin Hood' and played the bouncy tune from the 1950's TV series on Robin Hood, which goes with the words 'Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen...'

Better Than Ezra
Qhen Better Than Ezra took the number one spot on the college music charts, who was at number two?
A:Ezra.

Black Eyes Peas
A: I saw Fergie last night.
B: At the after-show party?
A: Yes. She actually formed her own group. You know when she peed herself?
B: Yeah.
A: She calles her one-woman-band 'The Black Eyed Pees'.

Johny Cash
Q: What does Johnny Cash get if he eats too much hot spicy food?
A: A Ring Of Fire

What did the police officer make Johnny Cash do when he got pulled over for drunk driving?
.....Walk the Line

Michael Jackson
A reporter is talking to a group of Michael Jackson fans outside his court case: 'You're all huge Michael fans right? so on a scale of one to ten.... how old do you think Michael's boyfriend is?'

I heard that shortly before having Michael Jackson's baby, the woman who was impregnated by him was asked some questions by some reporters:
Reporter: Have you been able to determine its sex?
Woman: No. I want to wait until after it's born. As long as it's healthy.
Reporter: Ma'am, I was referring to Michael.

I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "fu*ing kids!", and it played Michael Jackson.

this is true.If you play thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long.

It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space.
A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".

Q. How does Michael Jackson know when he's gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.
A. He tries to put his pants on, but they're way too small.

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?
A: Both get turned on by kids!

Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite gospel song?
A: "And then he touched me"

Q: What is the worst thing about making love to Michael Jackson?
A: When the crib breaks.

Q: What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
A: Which one's mommy?

Q: What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A: Michael Jackson has had more noses.

Q: Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael?
A: He doesn't mind reaching bottom.