JokeP

[Username]

Nice Jokes

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at nightwhen we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter: "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance
repeated".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,
what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated.
The others all died".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at
the same time."

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

[rEzZzie]

One night i went to bed with my Gf ..after a while it got hot when my Gf suddenly said...dear i dnt feel like it tonight, i just want you to hold me. "What,why...whats wrong" i asked her. My gf answers, "you dnt care enough about my emotionell side as a woman , why cant u just love me as i am without me satisfying your sexuall needs as a man". When i understood nothing was going to happen that night i fell to sleep. Next day i took time off from my work just to be with my gf. we went out, had a nice lunch and went to shopping in a reallyyy big galleria. My gf couldnt decide what to buy so i told her she could take allt he clothes she choosen. Then she wanted shoes to each one of her outfits so i told her there wasnt any problems with that. I can tell you she got real excited, she must have thought i was going crazy or something. she was so excited of all shopping that she almost got an orgasm. With a verry big smile on her face she said to me at last, Honey i think thats all..lets go and pay for all the stuff. I cldnt hold myself from saying to her "no dear i dnt feel like it". Her face turned all white and she was chocked, "what" she shouted. Then i said to her, "honey, i just want you to hold the stuff for a while, you dont care about my finansiall side as a man so i could satisfie you as a woman". She gave me a look that almost could kill me but i couldnt hold myself from saying to her, "why cant you just love me as i am instead for the stuff that i buy for you". Well i guess i wont have sex tonight either....

[jr]

A very Beautiful woman was walking on the roof of a building and
>>>>she falls down.
>>>>
>>>>On her way falling down, an American man catches her, She says:
>>>>'Oh thank you, you saved my life;
>>>>
>>>> I'll do ANYTHING for you...'The man says: 'Okay then, sleep with
>>>>me.'
>>>>
>>>>She says: 'You PIG!! NEVER!!' So he says:'FINE!' and he drops her
>>>>down....
>>>>
>>>> > >So she's falling and screaming... Suddenly a German man
>>>>catches her in the air from his balcony, She says:'Oh thank you,
>>>>you saved me; I'll do anything that you ask...'
>>>>
>>>> The guy says: 'Fraulein, sleep with me.'
>>>>
>>>> She replies: 'Oh you nasty pig!!! NEVER!' So the man says:
>>>>'Fine!!!' and he also drops her down again.
>>>>
>>>>She's falling and thinking that it was better if she slept with
>>>>one of those men and now she's going to die.
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly,a man catches the woman from his balcony,
>>>>
>>>>She says: 'Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll SLEEP with
>>>>
>>>>you!!'
>>>>
>>>>The man replies: 'Astaghfar Allah !' and he drops her

:mrgreen: :roll: :lol:

[rEzZzie]

What men do after sex?

2% eat; 3% smoke cigarettes; 4% take a shower; 5% go to sleep and
86% get up and go back home to their wives.

[rEzZzie]

Why is your penis better than a credit card?

(a) Once spent it recharges itself.
(b) It is accepted worldwide.
(c) You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

[rEzZzie]

What is the closest thing to a woman's period?

Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!!

[rEzZzie]

A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down, and his fly wide open.
His secretary walked up to him and said, "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his Office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up.
He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him,finally understood. He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.

When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked in there?"

The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss I didn't All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tires."

[rEzZzie]

It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build ext GENERATION.