Funny Jokes #3

[Rami_s]

Please don't open any other thread about funny Jokes
Post What You Got Below.

Funny Jokes #2

[Tawa]

The Differences between White Friends and Lebanese Friends:

WHITE FRIENDS: Never ask for food

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

WHITE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Call your parents Khalto and Umo.

WHITE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we fucked up...but that shit was fun!"

WHITE FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Cry with you.

WHITE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget it's yours.

WHITE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

WHITE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

WHITE FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

WHITE FRIENDS: Are for a while.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Are for life.

WHITE FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

WHITE FRIENDS: Will leave your house at ten

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Will come over at ten...leave at a quarter to five

WHITE FRIENDS: jokes will last apprx five minutes

LEBANESE FRIENDS: jokes will last ur whole damn life "remember that one time at..."

WHITE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.

LEBANESE FRIENDS: Will Post this in VCoderZ Forum

[Tawa]

The Passing of Bill Gates Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He
finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill,
I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to
Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a
computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that
ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before
in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill
replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter
said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will
help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave
that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So
Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear
waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the
water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the
temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St.
Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!" "Fine," said
St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds,
with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice,
but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and
rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St.
Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went
to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late
billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he
found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark
caves, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going?"
he asked Bill. Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and
disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I
visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What
happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the
scantily-clad women playing in the water?!??? "That was a demo
version," replied St. Peter.

[Tawa]

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter
tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths
that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you
really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I
have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a
blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe
with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint
Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says.
"Welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint
Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that
blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases
Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a
few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great
artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!" Then Saint Peter looks
up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says,
"Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can
you prove yours?" George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are
Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in,
George."

[Rami_s]

مكتب سياحة يعلن رحلة للعراق :4 أيام بعشرة دنانير آكل .. شارب .. ميت .. مغسَّل ..
مدفون

*****************************

الزوجة: لابد من طرد السائق لأنه كاد أن يقتلني ثلاث مرات بتهور
الزوج : لا ياحبيبتي بل نعطيه فرصة أخيره

****************************
ولد يسأل ابوه .... هل الحب اعمى ؟؟؟ رد عليه ابوه .. وقال : شوف امك وانت تعرف

[lebanese_a]

Can we post jokes about the guys at Riyad El solh??

[Rami_s]

Originally Posted by lebanese_a

Can we post jokes about the guys at Riyad El solh??

U Can But Don't Attack Eno Eza Chi Salbe Ok

[lebanese_a]

Originally Posted by Rami_s

U Can But Don't Attack Eno Eza Chi Salbe Ok

after rethinking about it I won't put the joke coz fi neiss ra7 yez3allo, bass I have a question, when was the last time you heard a sad joke??? uno why is this thread called "funny jokes" aren't them suppose to be funny anyways!!!

[badboy_10452]

VIRUSES

BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk, then reattaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 MB, and then slowly expands back to 200 MB.

AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack --- once if by LAN, twice if by C: > .

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus, " but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates your session and then disappears. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining a binary network.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Thers sumthin rong wit yur komputerw butt ewe jsut cant figyour it out!

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)

TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't!" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data ends up in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes asking for more money.

ELVIS VIRUS: Makes your computer get fat and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across America.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to suddenly become a paper shredder.

NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.

[Justin]

A young Lebanese guy moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home." Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. you get the idea?" "Of course," the young man said. His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says, "One." The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.64." The manager exclaims, "What? $ 101,237.64? What did you sell him?" The kid, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pulls it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero." The manager says, "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!" The kid, "No no no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said, "Well, since your weekend's already fucked up, you might as well go .fishing"