Funny Jokes #2

[Jean]

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie,
each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales
begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why,
just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men
before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking
down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a
rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit
its head off, and sucked the venom down in one gulp. And I'm still here
today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his
penis.

[Tawa]

marra wlad 3am yene2lo min estazon 3allo7 kil ma ymahhi llo7 yekhez2o l war2a

[Jean]

While attending a spelling session in school one day,
The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB?
Darla raises her hand and says "I can, I can"
The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."
Darla replies..."D-U-M-B"
The teacher replies, "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"
Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."
The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"
Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla."
Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D"
The teacher replies "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"
Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."
The teacher replies, "OK, well lets continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?"
No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell
the word DICTATE?
Buckwheat replies, "Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E"
The teacher replies, "very good Buckwheat," and "can you use that word
in a sentence?"
Buckwheat replies, "Sure I can."
"I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good."

[yaleil]

Chicago: A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window...the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there.

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An unidentified man in Buenos Aires pushed his wife out of an eighth-floor window but his plan to kill her failed when she became entangled in some power cables below. Seeing she was still alive, the man jumped and tried to land on top of her. He missed...

[Justin]

Originally Posted by yaleil

An unidentified man in Buenos Aires pushed his wife out of an eighth-floor window but his plan to kill her failed when she became entangled in some power cables below. Seeing she was still alive, the man jumped and tried to land on top of her. He missed...

You should've posted this one in the funny thread ::
I tried to imagine it in my mind... it made me laugh like hell

[yaleil]

i've posted it in the funny thread but it was moved from there

[hasan_00]

3ala seret stupid criminals, look at this guy got his neck and jaw smashed by a security door.

[Rannouch]

There was an elderly couple who went to McDonald's. They ordered one cheeseburger, one large fry, one large drink, and an extra large soda. When the old couple sat down, the man sitting next to them watched the old man cut the burger in half, taking half of the fries and giving his wife half, and pouring the soda in the extra cup he ordered.

The man at the next table was confused, so he went over there and told the couple that if they couldn't afford a meal for each of them, he would be happy to pay for it. The old man shook his head and told him that there was no need because he and his wife had shared everything for the last 40 years.
The man went back to his seat and then he saw the old man eating while the old woman just sat there doing nothing.
He went over to them again and asked the old lady why she wasn't eating.
She said, ''Well, it's his turn to use the teeth.'''

[Rannouch]

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered the butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"

[Rannouch]

blonde finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits. She decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray . . . "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto" Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays . "God, please let me win the Lotto. I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car if I don't get some money soon"
Lotto night comes, and lady luck is not with her.
Once again, she prays . . . "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just
let me win the Lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light.
The Heavens open, and the blonde hears a booming voice: "Sweetheart, work with me on this . . . .. BUY A TICKET"